Still Smiling

I have had so much on my mind recently, both good & bad. Cluttered thoughts going in so many directions. For almost 10 years now I have been keeping a journal. I started out keeping it in a note book, then scraps of paper, now i keep it on my computer. Its amazing to look back to 1997 and read what i was thinking and doing. Whats stands out even more is the spelling and grammar use. Now i have always been bad at grammar and a even worse speller but it has greatly improved over the last 10 years. My thought process and goals from year to year all laid out for my inspection.

This journal is probably the reason I started this blog a year and a half ago. I was good at math and science in high school, but never english or writing. In fact my senior year I just passed english class with a "D". And now here I am, telling my life story to people on the internet. Granted most of you have known me for a long time, but i have a few regular readers that i barely know or have never met. That just blows my mind.

Its a slow process but I am currently working on transferring all my hand written entries onto my computer. The program I use is simply called "The Journal". It really simplifies things and keeps everything nice and organized. By simply hitting 2 keys it will take me back exactly one year, this is one of my favorite options. If I have the time i like to go back and read all the entries i have entered for the specific date from year to year. Some days they are long and other times there is no entry for that date, or i just haven't transferred it from my hand written journal yet. That's what I was doing this particular night before i went to bed. On Monday April 3, 2006 I was randomly jumping around and came across a entry that stuck out. It stuck out so much I mentioned coming across it in the journal. Here is part of my entry for August 22, 2005. Its a story my Aunt Donna was telling my sister Robin. It got to me just as much tonight as it did a year ago and a year and a half ago.


Aunt Donna was on a bus trip w/ some of the people from the nursing home she works at. She was on the bus and some woman got on, stopped and looked at her like she knew her and said "Hello" then went and sat down on the back of the bus. when the bus stopped aunt Donna waited to get off last so she could see if she knew who the woman was. she never saw the woman get off the bus. At the show there were 2 of the old ladies on the right side of her, a empty seat on the left. The lady from the bus came over and smiled and said "this is where I'm supposed to sit. Aunt Donna had to pee so she asked the lady to let her out. the lady said can I walk along with you. The lady then told her you have recently lost someone close to you. a sibling. He is a big man w/ dark hair, he is also blind in one eye. She said he isn't mad at you and is sorry. you talk to his best friend every day and you deserve each other and he is smiling at you. Aunt Donna said "why are you fucking with me" the lady told her she was a psychic and she new she had to meet someone today, she just didn't know who. Then she called jap and jap seemed to not be phased. then he told her about when his daughter lost her arm. he was out in the hall and looked around to see if no one was around. there was no one there. then suddenly there was a woman there and she told jap, you daughter is in there and they are re-attaching her arm. in 2 days they will take it back off. she will be ok, and she wont loose her artistic talent, in fact it will be better, then suddenly she was gone. 2 days later the arm was dying and they had to take it off. she was right handed and that's the arm she lost. She now has to draw w/ her left and she is better than ever.



For those of you that didn't know my old man, the line about "he's smiling at you" is what got to me. He had that big shit eattin grin that nobody could forget. I guess thats why the line to get into the funeral home for the viewing was 2 1/2 hours long, in the snow.

I guess its just that time of year again :(