
Just like Life, and most of my previous Blog entries, this one didn't turn out quite like I had intended. What I Miss The Most, I had such a hard time coming up with something to write about on that topic. Its not that I don't miss the old man. I just found that I couldn't come up with the words, every time I would try my mind would wander to other things. Things that made me smile.
Almost everyone at a funeral has their own little moment. A moment alone where they say their goodbye. I don't remember if I said "goodbye" or not, I don't think I actually did. I do remember what I did say though. "You made me proud Old Man, You made me proud." It was such a long day. So many people. It was spitting a little bit of snow that day in North Western Pennsylvania and the line was around the building. Some people waited in line for 2 hours that day. It was amazing, just to hear all the stories about Dad, and getting to meet all the people that knew him and considered him a friend. Some I knew, some I didn't, others I had only heard stories about. I have never seen anything like it, and I was proud that so many people loved and respected him, and that was my father.
I remember when I was probably between 8 & 10. There was a back road between the farm and Meadville that we used to drive on a lot. The road was named after someone, I cant even remember the persons name. Being at that age I wanted to try to express my own opinions. I made some comment about not wanting to be remembered by having my name on some small road. I don't know why I said it, why I still remember that comment of over 20 yrs ago, or why sometimes when I drive down that road I remember and feel a little guilty about saying it. I will never have a road, or anything for that matter named after me, but I definitely know now how I wish to be remembered.
What makes me proud. Its a much more fitting title. I am proud of a lot of things. My family. I know so many people that don't get along with their family. The Alter side has been through some rough patches in the past, but I'm glad to see most of us have came through it for the better. My 3 sisters and my Giant little brother. It makes me proud the things we have in common, and I am so so so so very very verrry thankful for some of the things we don't. I was proud when at the viewing someone mistook my brother Colton for my son. Even though I am much better looking than he is, I was still proud (he doesn't have the internet yet, so he wont be able to read this for a few more weeks).
I was proud this weekend when I got to spend time with Colton, watching him compete in a competition for area football players. It was a lot like the Strong Man Competition. I know Dad was there and looking down on us, and he was proud. Im also proud that for some strange reason, after all these years, I now listen to country music.
I am very proud when someone tells me I look like the old man or that I do something that reminds them of him. One of my favorite stories involves 2 people who have never met him. My friend Leanne was on her way from State College to Altoona, she was going to visit some of her family. She stopped and took me along with her. She saw the picture of my dad and commented that we had the same smile. Later in the evening we were at her Uncle Arrow's place, jamming on the bongo's and having a good time. He had never met me before but said that he liked me because I had a friendly smile. It was awesome for me to have the connection between those two comments. It made me feel very good.
I know that he is proud of not only his children, but the rest of his family as well. He always had a big heart and I'm sure he is proud of the way we have all pulled together and became the family we haven't been in many years. I know it makes me proud. I can see him looking down on us with that big shit eaten grin on his face. I know I have had a few moments where he was looking down and laughing, but this probably isn't the appropriate place to share those moments. Some of those, I am not so proud of.
I know there is going to be some comments posted on this blog, so make sure you read them and please feel free to add your own.
I guess what I miss the most is that there will be no new opportunities to learn ways that we were alike. No new memories to look back upon. Even though I didn't feel I needed to say any goodbye's or I Love You, as I write this there is one thing I wish I could have said to him. "You made me proud Old Man, You made me proud."